Scripture on your Wedding Cake.

When you are thinking about your reception, your food, your cake and your decorations, the Grand Display at your wedding is going to be your wedding cake.

Help your baker design a wedding cake for you that both fits into your overall feel for your wedding, and celebrates the promise you just made before God.

Our cake was supposed to be a 3 layer red velvet cake with vanilla frosting. The bottom tier was supposed to look like a warm knit sweater, the second layer was supposed to have polka dots with a swirl of burgundy fondant wrapped around the cake ending in a heart in the middle of the cake, and the top layer was supposed to read

"Knit together in Love" Col 2:2 with an M in the middle of it. The Kid said that the M should not be in cursive so that he could read it. :)

Well, since the cake fiasco, I didn't think I was going to have my lovely cake, but some extra lovin' from my Dad and Aunt and God's hand through some ladies I have never met made this possible:

It's only missing the yarn heart.  Notice the transforming flying out of the cake? That was for The Kid. He was kind of upset they had to break his legs off to get him in. :P

Here are some examples of beautiful wedding cakes that incorporate God's word.

Click on the pictures to find the original posts.

I love the subtlety of  this one!

This one is similar, but with scripture a little more pronounced.

This one doesn't have scripture on it, but it was an inspiration for the wedding cake I designed for my wedding. I love the quiet simplicity of it!

Think about your theme, and your base scripture you are using for your wedding. Gather inspiration and share it with your cake baker.

When God Showed Up to My Wedding: Part IV My Cake Fell Over

So here's the story:

I wanted my wedding Cake from the Cakery Bakery. They have THE BEST cake in the entire world! The frosting, I'm sure, is the kind of frosting the angels put on cakes in heaven. DELICIOUS!

I ordered a Red Velvet Wedding Cake with Creamy White Vanilla Icing. A fondant burgundy yarn was going to wrap around the cake and end in a little heart. The top layer of the cake was going to have the Bible verse we had picked out piped onto it with a big M in the middle.

The bottom of the cake was going to look like a creamy knit sweater.

I saw my cake for 5 minutes. I was IN LOVE with it and couldn't wait for the next day when I would walk into the reception room and cut a little piece off and feed it to my new husband as the cake was whisked away to be sliced for the rest of the guests at our reception.

This, however was not to be.

My cake fell over.

After I had been snapped at throughout the day by my mom. After my aunt was late to our house and hadn't called me and I was running late to check out the flowers, after packing a van full of unnecessary snacks and things I wasn't expecting, after a looong car ride with my grandma, after finding out that my wedding planner AND her assistant were not available, and my promised time of being able to load in and decorate the night before had fallen through...after finding a closet to be alone and freak out in...for a bit....after being almost an hour late to my rehearsal dinner....

My Dad and my aunt flagged the car down. My aunt got out of the car and started talking.

"You're not going to like this...."

*Sigh*

My cake had fallen over. My aunt was driving. My dad was holding the cake carefully....carefully through the resort. As they hit the last unexpected speed bump a little too fast....the cake came crashing into my Dad....he tried to catch it but he just succeeded in squashing it a little more.

My girlfriends ran inside to see if they could do some damage control. Could they fix it?....

I'm guessing it was pretty bad 'cause I wasn't allowed to see it.

I completely lost it! I had had an amazing morning....and everything had pretty much gone downhill since lunch....except my flowers. My flowers were A-MAZING and I LOVED my flowers. I bawled my eyes out....we were now 2 hours late for dinner and I could NOT get ahold of The Hubs.

It's one of those things you know? It's a wedding! Wedding CAKE is mandatory! You dream about it your WHOLE life since you are little. You have cakes at other weddings judging if it's melt in your mouth good enough for your own wedding.

This ENTIRE process I had been praying AND PRAYING that God would show up to my wedding. I did not know what that would look like, but it CERTAINLY did not look like this....

Or did it?

I don't think I will ever be able to comprehend or appreciate how much certain people love me, how much GOD loves me through certain people. I am thoroughly convinced that the night before my wedding was HORRIBLE so that God could take over my entire wedding day into Himself, to have His own quiet time with me, while he loved me and The Hubs through others attentive hands.

When God Showed up to my Wedding Part II: Saving Yourself for Marriage

*Mom, and Cheryl, if you are reading my blog, please don't read this post :)*

The first time I had sex was on my wedding night.

Inevitably, if someone knows you long enough, or is nosy enough, if you are unmarried, the subject of sex is going to come up. 

....and inevitably, someone is going to ask you if you are a virgin.

and if you are you will get some variation of one of two comments.  

"Whoa! I don't even understand how that is even POSSIBLE!"

OR

"Wow! That's cool, I don't think I could do it, but that's really admirable" 

My husband and I have had several conversations about our struggles with sex through our lives, and ultimately, it always comes down to misunderstandings about sex and God's design for marriage.

Some of this post is going to be written by the hubs. His writing will be in blue.

To be honest, I didn't really have a conception of what "struggling with sex" meant until I was in college. In high school I wasn't really allowed to date, and I just wasn't in the mind frame.

In college, I was inundated with exposure. It was depressing when my girlfriends were out with their boyfriends Friday nights, while I was drafting, or reading or making s'mores over the burner on the oven in the basement.

I think that's when I really started to feel entitled; when I felt like God was giving everyone else something that I wanted, but He was denying it of me.

It was hard to watch romantic movies and listen to popular music without feeding the fire so to speak. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep at night, angrily praying to God, or begging Him to give me the things I most desired.

When you believe you're entitled, you open the door to sin.(AGREED!)

When I started dating, it was a constant struggle to "keep myself" physically pure. I would tell you that, only by the mercy of God, did I make it to meeting my future husband without physically having sex.

I didn't save myself, God preserved me.

For me, I had to keep telling myself that my virginity cannot be taken away from me, * and it's the only thing I can prepare to honor my husband on our wedding night...

but when I was feeling entitled, I would think...."I'm not even going to HAVE a wedding night....so why does it matter?"

      "Sex!" The first words I would say on stage to a bunch of teenagers listening to a presentation. It is an attention grabbing, powerful, controversial, take sides and stand by it kind of subject. Sex is fun. Sex is science. Sex is a gift. Sex is great. My experiences with sex, in general, started with band in sixth grade. Ripped out pages of Playboy being passed around. Eighth grade, eaves dropped conversations between classmates. High school, and the great '.com' era, internet exposure. In a sense, I was an addict before I even left high school. 
      Sex also ruined my first marriage. It was my selfish actions, self serving, self centered-ness that didn't serve my (ex) wife. My concern was not for her, and that makes me sad, to reflect and see how selfish I was. 
       Sex is something we do and there is a formula, a recipe, an instruction booklet on sex. (It's called the bible.)Within marriage, with your spouse that you are married to, and not prior. Period. Sex is not (but is unfortunately) about one's own personal agenda. It is about loving your spouse in the manner that they feel loved.



Many of us"Echo Boomers" came from parents and churches who either did not talk about sex at all, or treated sex as a chore or duty, and otherwise, something that was "dirty" and "sinful." That way of thinking is contrary to God's word.

First Corinthians 7:5 tells us to only withhold sex from each other in times of fasting and prayer.

So many times we hear of spouses (especially women) withholding sex from their husbands as a punishment, or using sex as currency, "If you rub my back, and make me dinner I'll have sex with you."

Sex is a physical manifestation, an outpouring, of your love for your spouse. A realization that coming together as one may overflow into a "mini-me," a living, walking testament of your love for one another.

One of our pre-marital counselors illustrated it this way; Sex isn't in the act, it's in the way of being with your spouse. It's in the way you make each other breakfast in the morning, it's in the way you greet each other when you come home from work.

 I had come to grips with the fact that sex wasn't dirty, and it wasn't bad, but it was ONLY intended within the sanctity and holiness of marriage. There's this amazing illustration of the holy trinity within the framework of intimacy in marriage. As the father, son and holy spirit are one, so are God and a believing husband and wife.

At the same time that sex is this outpouring of love, it's also a covering of protection. Sex is an animal instinct, a basic primal need. If you are not selflessly fulfilling that need for your spouse, you are making it VERY difficult for them not to look for a fulfillment of that need elsewhere.

You are to ONLY become one with your spouse. Having sex outside of marriage is not only committing adultery against your future spouse, it is also committing adultery against God. You are choosing something other than God to fill up His space in your heart, and so cannot be content living in His ways.

I read a horror story posted on Facebook of  a woman who waited until marriage to have sex and she was traumatized the night of her wedding. As I was reading it, it reminded me of a few of the "chat rooms" I had browsed while digesting the fact that I was about to become a step-mom. This woman was NOT communicating with her future husband, and did NOT communicate with him through her adjustment of thinking, which was problem number 1. Problem number 2 was that the perspective she had on sex, that had been affirmed through her mothers teaching, and through the teaching of the church, was not God's teaching! And number 3, she was being incredibly selfish. The marriage shortly ended in divorce.

 I was talking with the hubs about having sex months before we got married. I told him what I was worried about, what I was looking forward to, what I wanted our wedding night to look like, what I didn't want our wedding night to look like. I also communicated with him that I wasn't even sure I WANTED to have sex on our wedding night because it kinda freaked me out a little that it felt like everyone was expecting us to. WEIRD! (People aren't supposed to KNOW that you had sex last night RIGHT?!)

You are entering into a great unknown, and yes it can be a little scary beforehand, but really, I've been learning that things are less scary than you imagine them to be, and the fear factor is cut down by about 60% when you open your mouth and talk about it with your significant other.

God's way can be difficult, but I'm here to tell you that God's way is not wrong, God's way is beautiful, and good, enjoyable and FUN! God's way isn't about you, and how you feel, it's about serving the other person. If you are both mutually serving each other, sex is going to be amazing!

The entire book of Songs is riddled with sexual innuendo's and metaphors, some more explicit than a romance novel.

The hubs and I joke that a one night stand could never look like they look on T.V. Sex gets better with communication, and learning about each other. The flopping in bed looking up at the ceiling, not being able to breath (I'm thinking of Big Bang Theory with Penny and Leonard here) is not going to happen when you are dating someone (or married to someone) that you feel a continuous need to impress in order to keep them.

Good sex is going to come when you feel comfortable, and are not self-conscious; naked and vulnerable (both literally and physically) in front of your spouse. The master bedroom should feel like the cool of the evening in the Garden of Eden, "naked and not ashamed." (Genesis 2:25)

That was God's intention for man and wife.

If you ARE having sex outside of marriage. God want's you to stop. Turn from your sin, ask for forgiveness and wait for God's good and perfect timing.




* I want to make sure that it is clear that I do not believe that sexual assault would cause anyone's virginity to be "ruined." It is not something you gave up, it is something that is stolen FROM you. If you have experienced sexual assault, I pray that you have  the courage to tell someone and are getting help, and that you are currently experiencing love and support all around you.

When God Showed up to My Wedding Part I: Singleness and Idolatry

I'm 31 years old. I was married 3 months ago. 

My first kiss (and first boyfriend) was at the age of 21. 

 I want to encourage single woman who are considered "older" in the Christian culture. When they are reading blogs and books about singleness written by women who agonized over being single through their high school and college years, and were married before they hit their mid 20's ,and who are kindly offering their advice through that time, I don't want to belittle or make light of their attempts of encouragement, but when you get to be in your late 20's, into your 30's it actually begins to have the opposite affect than what your intention is....

It starts to become DIScouraging. 

It's not that I want them to stop writing, I just want them to stop writing about the length of time they've been waiting, and I want to read a book about female singleness that doesn't feel like it was written geared towards high school and college aged young women.

I was 21 when I received my first kiss. 21 before I had my first boyfriend. The late age of my dating experience was not out of choice, but out of my desperate heart and idolatrous longing for  marriage, it started a cycle of dating that lead to my deepest sins, broken before God. 

Strange how your "badness" leads you to God and his goodness.....

I did dating the wrong way. I would date men that showed interest in me, and tried to do everything within my power, short of giving up my virginity to keep them, and inevitably they would leave. 

It was the strangest type of leaving.

Not an, "This isn't working out..." kind of leave. The majority of them just disappeared. 

Selfishness on their part...maybe? 

Idolatry on mine? Yes. 

Mercy from God. Most definitely. 

One of my friends made the connection one day between her miscarriage/infertility and unwanted singleness.

Can I just dispel a rumor for a second? If you are unwillingly single, there is nothing wrong with you.

Not a thing.

You did not choose to be single. Just like women who want to conceive, and can't, you did not make a choice.

Your longing is real, and it is not foolish. The longing was put there by God.

However, be careful that marriage does not become an idol.

"There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus."

Blaise Pascal

You can read my Faith Story *here.* I want to tell you why I was curled up on my floor that long night when I cried out to God. 

I was lying on my floor because once again, after less than five months, a boyfriend had disappeared. It was the strangest thing that always seemed to happen. We were getting along great, I tended to break the "I'm a Virgin" news relatively early to give them a way out....

and then five months or less later....most of them left without a word. No phone calls, no notes, nothing. I don't think I ever thought I would MARRY these guys, at least that conversation only came up once...I wasn't even sure I actually WANTED to get married.

 I felt SO entitled to what I wanted, because God wasn't giving it to me fast enough, I decided to play god of my own life.

I gave to dogs what is holy, I cast my pearls before swine. I did not bring my husband good ALL the days of my life.

 I'm not saying that my past boyfriends were bad guys, they just were not ready for what God was making holy.

Then one day I thought I had found "The One," He was a sweet guy who never made an advance that would put me in the way of temptation. We would go on mini day trips to historic places around the area and discover new spots. We would cook together...he was the only guy I had ever dated that I had prayed that God would make him break up with me....but he left anyway.

And God made me holy through every one of those relationships. If I had not been through every disastrous, beautiful mess, I would have not been curled up on the floor in the fetal position that night.

I was left broken. That night I promised God that I would spend a year, in singleness, so that I could spend the time with Him that I had been spending haphazardly dating.

I don't believe that God's ideal for us is to be constantly heart broken. Our fragile heart should only be held by three men; God, your daddy, and your husband. I don't believe that we need "experience" in dating to be a good mate for others. I actually think that the "practice" in dating makes becoming a committed, long term mate harder, because with so many hardened wounds, we become more guarded, less prepared to be vulnerable. 

The nights I would have gone out on a date, I reserved for time with God. I would make a nice meal, turn on worship music, light a candle...and get to know Him better.

Once the year was up, I asked God to lead me in dating. 1 year became 2 years and 2 years became 3 years, I had moved to two different states, and while I had gone on a few "dates" I had not kissed, or engaged in a  committed relationship with anyone. 

It was a very different feeling than the first half of my dating life. I wasn't looking to be fulfilled by anyone else's love for me. My roots began to run deep in the Lord. I would not go out on a date with a non-Christian, and I was growing into a comfortableness with my singleness. 

While the longing in my heart to have a family was still there, the "God Hole" in my heart was being filled with God, instead of with men, and I was content. 

In the meantime I read. I read everything I could get my hands on, not about singleness anymore, but about being a Proverbs 31 woman, and about building a sacred, godly marriage.

My view of marriage began to change. I became convinced that even if I wasn't married to a man, in my commitment that I made to Christ in my baptism, I was a part of the bride of Christ, and as such I needed to figure out what marriage, according to God, was supposed to look like. 

Not having a significant other, allowed God to open up opportunities for me to know Him better, that I would have not have learned as well, or in the way I needed to, had I been yolked with another.

If  "all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28) And what is good for you, is the glory of God, then wherever you are; whether in singleness or "coupleness" or "mamaness," you have been placed there for a reason. You have an area to grow in to become more like Jesus, your situation will ultimately bring glory to the Lord, you will grow closer to the heart of God, and know Him better. 

I know how hard it is to wait on the Lord. "Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!" He has a plan for you "plans for welfare[a]and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

If you are single, or infertile, or just feel like you are in a period of waiting and longing. If you are crying in the night for God to hear you....let me reassure you He is listening, and He is hearing. 

Use this time to draw near to him. Cry your heart out. Be vulnerable and open to Him. Tell Him how much it hurts, and how you are angry. Confess your entitlement, and lay your heart, bare before Him.

Tell Him what plagues your heart. He will not give you a stone when you ask for bread, or a snake if you ask for fish. He will give you good things if you ask Him! (Mathew 7:9-11) 

Trust in him at all times, pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge! (Psalm 62:8) Run to your heavenly father with your broken heart. Bury yourself in his arms. Take refuge and heal! 

(Stay tuned for Part II of Inviting God to Your Wedding)

There are a couple GREAT books about singlness out there:

The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas

Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy

Redeeming Singleness by Barry Danylak

Check out a few of other posts about singleness on my old blog "The (re)Education of the Feminine Soul"

Set Apart Sean Lowe
Changing the Conversation on Singleness
All You People Listen Up!