When God Showed Up to My Wedding: Part IV My Cake Fell Over

So here's the story:

I wanted my wedding Cake from the Cakery Bakery. They have THE BEST cake in the entire world! The frosting, I'm sure, is the kind of frosting the angels put on cakes in heaven. DELICIOUS!

I ordered a Red Velvet Wedding Cake with Creamy White Vanilla Icing. A fondant burgundy yarn was going to wrap around the cake and end in a little heart. The top layer of the cake was going to have the Bible verse we had picked out piped onto it with a big M in the middle.

The bottom of the cake was going to look like a creamy knit sweater.

I saw my cake for 5 minutes. I was IN LOVE with it and couldn't wait for the next day when I would walk into the reception room and cut a little piece off and feed it to my new husband as the cake was whisked away to be sliced for the rest of the guests at our reception.

This, however was not to be.

My cake fell over.

After I had been snapped at throughout the day by my mom. After my aunt was late to our house and hadn't called me and I was running late to check out the flowers, after packing a van full of unnecessary snacks and things I wasn't expecting, after a looong car ride with my grandma, after finding out that my wedding planner AND her assistant were not available, and my promised time of being able to load in and decorate the night before had fallen through...after finding a closet to be alone and freak out in...for a bit....after being almost an hour late to my rehearsal dinner....

My Dad and my aunt flagged the car down. My aunt got out of the car and started talking.

"You're not going to like this...."

*Sigh*

My cake had fallen over. My aunt was driving. My dad was holding the cake carefully....carefully through the resort. As they hit the last unexpected speed bump a little too fast....the cake came crashing into my Dad....he tried to catch it but he just succeeded in squashing it a little more.

My girlfriends ran inside to see if they could do some damage control. Could they fix it?....

I'm guessing it was pretty bad 'cause I wasn't allowed to see it.

I completely lost it! I had had an amazing morning....and everything had pretty much gone downhill since lunch....except my flowers. My flowers were A-MAZING and I LOVED my flowers. I bawled my eyes out....we were now 2 hours late for dinner and I could NOT get ahold of The Hubs.

It's one of those things you know? It's a wedding! Wedding CAKE is mandatory! You dream about it your WHOLE life since you are little. You have cakes at other weddings judging if it's melt in your mouth good enough for your own wedding.

This ENTIRE process I had been praying AND PRAYING that God would show up to my wedding. I did not know what that would look like, but it CERTAINLY did not look like this....

Or did it?

I don't think I will ever be able to comprehend or appreciate how much certain people love me, how much GOD loves me through certain people. I am thoroughly convinced that the night before my wedding was HORRIBLE so that God could take over my entire wedding day into Himself, to have His own quiet time with me, while he loved me and The Hubs through others attentive hands.

Dancing

I teach at an Arts Academy. My sixth graders had been working on a play that included a little dancing....more accurately...a little "Tango."

I am not much of a dancer. Besides the fact that I tend to be highly uncoordinated, and have had some unfortunate run-ins with dance instructors and choreographers, I was brought up in a strict legalistic church where dancing was considered a sin. It kind of stunts your growth in the skillz department when your church teaches you are going to hell for it. I always felt I was born to be a tap-dancer.....but anyway...

I asked one of the choreographers where I work to come in for a couple days to work with my kids to teach them how to Tango. The kids loved it! But as I observed the choreographer teaching the kids how to dance together, I found myself wishing that my 6th graders would take what they are learning from their mini tango lesson, and apply it to their future marriage relationships.

My favorite date John has ever taken me on was to go swing dancing. He knew I loved swing dancing, and it was 100% out of his comfort zone.....but he did the research, and took me. It was so much fun! And even then, as I was helping to teach my future husband how to swing dance, I was being taught the lessons of our collaborative relationship.

We've been married for 8 mos. now, we are moving into a new apartment and we irritate each other to no end. Sometimes I wonder how I can respect someone who doesn't treat me with love, and I'm sure that John sometimes wonders how he can love someone who doesn't treat him with respect.

I wonder what it looks like to respect someone, to help someone be a good leader in a relationship, without becoming the lead myself.

And then I look back to the swing dancing lessons, and the tango lesson taught to my sixth graders by my colleague.

A good dance partner makes dancing easy.

The man leads. He does not pull or, jerk, or yank. He gently guides with a pressing of the hand on the small of the back, a gentle motion from the palm of the hand. Both dance in step. The woman, submits to the motions of the man, because if she goes the wrong way, and tries to do her own thing, they end up stepping on each others toes, or getting tangled up in arms and limbs.

But we have to spend hours upon hours of training to get this right in dancing, and I'm sure near a lifetime to get this right in marriage.

It is so difficult to submit when someone is pulling and yanking. It hurts. And it is hard to lead when the other is doing their own thing and going their own way. But when both are working together in tandem, leading and submitting, collaborating, it is a beautiful, fun, breathtaking experience.

The Hubs and I are not very good at this yet. Like our dance lessons, we are clumsy, trying to learn new steps, where hands and feet go, when the next turn is. Sometimes I have to remind him how to lead. At our lessons I was much more patient than I am at home. I would tease, or gently guide his hand back to the small of my back, and readjust our hand positions. At home I get impatient, it is easier to decide to do things myself because I have gotten by on my own for so long.

But if I do things myself, we both get hurt. When he tries to abruptly yank me in the direction he wants to go, I get hurt. It isn't fun anymore.

I look forward to a time when our relationship resembles a more mature one.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing: you have put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; 

Psalm 30:11

I look forward to a day, when our marriage is a full expression of joy, and a reflection of God's love. 

This is The Hubs Aunt and Uncle. They participated in a Tedx and their talk and illustration are way more eloquent, and experienced than anything I could say on the matter:

When God Showed up to my Wedding Part II: Saving Yourself for Marriage

*Mom, and Cheryl, if you are reading my blog, please don't read this post :)*

The first time I had sex was on my wedding night.

Inevitably, if someone knows you long enough, or is nosy enough, if you are unmarried, the subject of sex is going to come up. 

....and inevitably, someone is going to ask you if you are a virgin.

and if you are you will get some variation of one of two comments.  

"Whoa! I don't even understand how that is even POSSIBLE!"

OR

"Wow! That's cool, I don't think I could do it, but that's really admirable" 

My husband and I have had several conversations about our struggles with sex through our lives, and ultimately, it always comes down to misunderstandings about sex and God's design for marriage.

Some of this post is going to be written by the hubs. His writing will be in blue.

To be honest, I didn't really have a conception of what "struggling with sex" meant until I was in college. In high school I wasn't really allowed to date, and I just wasn't in the mind frame.

In college, I was inundated with exposure. It was depressing when my girlfriends were out with their boyfriends Friday nights, while I was drafting, or reading or making s'mores over the burner on the oven in the basement.

I think that's when I really started to feel entitled; when I felt like God was giving everyone else something that I wanted, but He was denying it of me.

It was hard to watch romantic movies and listen to popular music without feeding the fire so to speak. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep at night, angrily praying to God, or begging Him to give me the things I most desired.

When you believe you're entitled, you open the door to sin.(AGREED!)

When I started dating, it was a constant struggle to "keep myself" physically pure. I would tell you that, only by the mercy of God, did I make it to meeting my future husband without physically having sex.

I didn't save myself, God preserved me.

For me, I had to keep telling myself that my virginity cannot be taken away from me, * and it's the only thing I can prepare to honor my husband on our wedding night...

but when I was feeling entitled, I would think...."I'm not even going to HAVE a wedding night....so why does it matter?"

      "Sex!" The first words I would say on stage to a bunch of teenagers listening to a presentation. It is an attention grabbing, powerful, controversial, take sides and stand by it kind of subject. Sex is fun. Sex is science. Sex is a gift. Sex is great. My experiences with sex, in general, started with band in sixth grade. Ripped out pages of Playboy being passed around. Eighth grade, eaves dropped conversations between classmates. High school, and the great '.com' era, internet exposure. In a sense, I was an addict before I even left high school. 
      Sex also ruined my first marriage. It was my selfish actions, self serving, self centered-ness that didn't serve my (ex) wife. My concern was not for her, and that makes me sad, to reflect and see how selfish I was. 
       Sex is something we do and there is a formula, a recipe, an instruction booklet on sex. (It's called the bible.)Within marriage, with your spouse that you are married to, and not prior. Period. Sex is not (but is unfortunately) about one's own personal agenda. It is about loving your spouse in the manner that they feel loved.



Many of us"Echo Boomers" came from parents and churches who either did not talk about sex at all, or treated sex as a chore or duty, and otherwise, something that was "dirty" and "sinful." That way of thinking is contrary to God's word.

First Corinthians 7:5 tells us to only withhold sex from each other in times of fasting and prayer.

So many times we hear of spouses (especially women) withholding sex from their husbands as a punishment, or using sex as currency, "If you rub my back, and make me dinner I'll have sex with you."

Sex is a physical manifestation, an outpouring, of your love for your spouse. A realization that coming together as one may overflow into a "mini-me," a living, walking testament of your love for one another.

One of our pre-marital counselors illustrated it this way; Sex isn't in the act, it's in the way of being with your spouse. It's in the way you make each other breakfast in the morning, it's in the way you greet each other when you come home from work.

 I had come to grips with the fact that sex wasn't dirty, and it wasn't bad, but it was ONLY intended within the sanctity and holiness of marriage. There's this amazing illustration of the holy trinity within the framework of intimacy in marriage. As the father, son and holy spirit are one, so are God and a believing husband and wife.

At the same time that sex is this outpouring of love, it's also a covering of protection. Sex is an animal instinct, a basic primal need. If you are not selflessly fulfilling that need for your spouse, you are making it VERY difficult for them not to look for a fulfillment of that need elsewhere.

You are to ONLY become one with your spouse. Having sex outside of marriage is not only committing adultery against your future spouse, it is also committing adultery against God. You are choosing something other than God to fill up His space in your heart, and so cannot be content living in His ways.

I read a horror story posted on Facebook of  a woman who waited until marriage to have sex and she was traumatized the night of her wedding. As I was reading it, it reminded me of a few of the "chat rooms" I had browsed while digesting the fact that I was about to become a step-mom. This woman was NOT communicating with her future husband, and did NOT communicate with him through her adjustment of thinking, which was problem number 1. Problem number 2 was that the perspective she had on sex, that had been affirmed through her mothers teaching, and through the teaching of the church, was not God's teaching! And number 3, she was being incredibly selfish. The marriage shortly ended in divorce.

 I was talking with the hubs about having sex months before we got married. I told him what I was worried about, what I was looking forward to, what I wanted our wedding night to look like, what I didn't want our wedding night to look like. I also communicated with him that I wasn't even sure I WANTED to have sex on our wedding night because it kinda freaked me out a little that it felt like everyone was expecting us to. WEIRD! (People aren't supposed to KNOW that you had sex last night RIGHT?!)

You are entering into a great unknown, and yes it can be a little scary beforehand, but really, I've been learning that things are less scary than you imagine them to be, and the fear factor is cut down by about 60% when you open your mouth and talk about it with your significant other.

God's way can be difficult, but I'm here to tell you that God's way is not wrong, God's way is beautiful, and good, enjoyable and FUN! God's way isn't about you, and how you feel, it's about serving the other person. If you are both mutually serving each other, sex is going to be amazing!

The entire book of Songs is riddled with sexual innuendo's and metaphors, some more explicit than a romance novel.

The hubs and I joke that a one night stand could never look like they look on T.V. Sex gets better with communication, and learning about each other. The flopping in bed looking up at the ceiling, not being able to breath (I'm thinking of Big Bang Theory with Penny and Leonard here) is not going to happen when you are dating someone (or married to someone) that you feel a continuous need to impress in order to keep them.

Good sex is going to come when you feel comfortable, and are not self-conscious; naked and vulnerable (both literally and physically) in front of your spouse. The master bedroom should feel like the cool of the evening in the Garden of Eden, "naked and not ashamed." (Genesis 2:25)

That was God's intention for man and wife.

If you ARE having sex outside of marriage. God want's you to stop. Turn from your sin, ask for forgiveness and wait for God's good and perfect timing.




* I want to make sure that it is clear that I do not believe that sexual assault would cause anyone's virginity to be "ruined." It is not something you gave up, it is something that is stolen FROM you. If you have experienced sexual assault, I pray that you have  the courage to tell someone and are getting help, and that you are currently experiencing love and support all around you.

When God Showed up to My Wedding Part I: Singleness and Idolatry

I'm 31 years old. I was married 3 months ago. 

My first kiss (and first boyfriend) was at the age of 21. 

 I want to encourage single woman who are considered "older" in the Christian culture. When they are reading blogs and books about singleness written by women who agonized over being single through their high school and college years, and were married before they hit their mid 20's ,and who are kindly offering their advice through that time, I don't want to belittle or make light of their attempts of encouragement, but when you get to be in your late 20's, into your 30's it actually begins to have the opposite affect than what your intention is....

It starts to become DIScouraging. 

It's not that I want them to stop writing, I just want them to stop writing about the length of time they've been waiting, and I want to read a book about female singleness that doesn't feel like it was written geared towards high school and college aged young women.

I was 21 when I received my first kiss. 21 before I had my first boyfriend. The late age of my dating experience was not out of choice, but out of my desperate heart and idolatrous longing for  marriage, it started a cycle of dating that lead to my deepest sins, broken before God. 

Strange how your "badness" leads you to God and his goodness.....

I did dating the wrong way. I would date men that showed interest in me, and tried to do everything within my power, short of giving up my virginity to keep them, and inevitably they would leave. 

It was the strangest type of leaving.

Not an, "This isn't working out..." kind of leave. The majority of them just disappeared. 

Selfishness on their part...maybe? 

Idolatry on mine? Yes. 

Mercy from God. Most definitely. 

One of my friends made the connection one day between her miscarriage/infertility and unwanted singleness.

Can I just dispel a rumor for a second? If you are unwillingly single, there is nothing wrong with you.

Not a thing.

You did not choose to be single. Just like women who want to conceive, and can't, you did not make a choice.

Your longing is real, and it is not foolish. The longing was put there by God.

However, be careful that marriage does not become an idol.

"There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus."

Blaise Pascal

You can read my Faith Story *here.* I want to tell you why I was curled up on my floor that long night when I cried out to God. 

I was lying on my floor because once again, after less than five months, a boyfriend had disappeared. It was the strangest thing that always seemed to happen. We were getting along great, I tended to break the "I'm a Virgin" news relatively early to give them a way out....

and then five months or less later....most of them left without a word. No phone calls, no notes, nothing. I don't think I ever thought I would MARRY these guys, at least that conversation only came up once...I wasn't even sure I actually WANTED to get married.

 I felt SO entitled to what I wanted, because God wasn't giving it to me fast enough, I decided to play god of my own life.

I gave to dogs what is holy, I cast my pearls before swine. I did not bring my husband good ALL the days of my life.

 I'm not saying that my past boyfriends were bad guys, they just were not ready for what God was making holy.

Then one day I thought I had found "The One," He was a sweet guy who never made an advance that would put me in the way of temptation. We would go on mini day trips to historic places around the area and discover new spots. We would cook together...he was the only guy I had ever dated that I had prayed that God would make him break up with me....but he left anyway.

And God made me holy through every one of those relationships. If I had not been through every disastrous, beautiful mess, I would have not been curled up on the floor in the fetal position that night.

I was left broken. That night I promised God that I would spend a year, in singleness, so that I could spend the time with Him that I had been spending haphazardly dating.

I don't believe that God's ideal for us is to be constantly heart broken. Our fragile heart should only be held by three men; God, your daddy, and your husband. I don't believe that we need "experience" in dating to be a good mate for others. I actually think that the "practice" in dating makes becoming a committed, long term mate harder, because with so many hardened wounds, we become more guarded, less prepared to be vulnerable. 

The nights I would have gone out on a date, I reserved for time with God. I would make a nice meal, turn on worship music, light a candle...and get to know Him better.

Once the year was up, I asked God to lead me in dating. 1 year became 2 years and 2 years became 3 years, I had moved to two different states, and while I had gone on a few "dates" I had not kissed, or engaged in a  committed relationship with anyone. 

It was a very different feeling than the first half of my dating life. I wasn't looking to be fulfilled by anyone else's love for me. My roots began to run deep in the Lord. I would not go out on a date with a non-Christian, and I was growing into a comfortableness with my singleness. 

While the longing in my heart to have a family was still there, the "God Hole" in my heart was being filled with God, instead of with men, and I was content. 

In the meantime I read. I read everything I could get my hands on, not about singleness anymore, but about being a Proverbs 31 woman, and about building a sacred, godly marriage.

My view of marriage began to change. I became convinced that even if I wasn't married to a man, in my commitment that I made to Christ in my baptism, I was a part of the bride of Christ, and as such I needed to figure out what marriage, according to God, was supposed to look like. 

Not having a significant other, allowed God to open up opportunities for me to know Him better, that I would have not have learned as well, or in the way I needed to, had I been yolked with another.

If  "all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28) And what is good for you, is the glory of God, then wherever you are; whether in singleness or "coupleness" or "mamaness," you have been placed there for a reason. You have an area to grow in to become more like Jesus, your situation will ultimately bring glory to the Lord, you will grow closer to the heart of God, and know Him better. 

I know how hard it is to wait on the Lord. "Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!" He has a plan for you "plans for welfare[a]and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

If you are single, or infertile, or just feel like you are in a period of waiting and longing. If you are crying in the night for God to hear you....let me reassure you He is listening, and He is hearing. 

Use this time to draw near to him. Cry your heart out. Be vulnerable and open to Him. Tell Him how much it hurts, and how you are angry. Confess your entitlement, and lay your heart, bare before Him.

Tell Him what plagues your heart. He will not give you a stone when you ask for bread, or a snake if you ask for fish. He will give you good things if you ask Him! (Mathew 7:9-11) 

Trust in him at all times, pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge! (Psalm 62:8) Run to your heavenly father with your broken heart. Bury yourself in his arms. Take refuge and heal! 

(Stay tuned for Part II of Inviting God to Your Wedding)

There are a couple GREAT books about singlness out there:

The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas

Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy

Redeeming Singleness by Barry Danylak

Check out a few of other posts about singleness on my old blog "The (re)Education of the Feminine Soul"

Set Apart Sean Lowe
Changing the Conversation on Singleness
All You People Listen Up!

Things I learned about Dating...while dating God. #2

2. Honor your Father and Mother

I don't know that I'm a huge fan of the "courting" concept. Especially when you are out of high school, moving on to college, or a full grown adult, "courting" is not practical, but honoring your father and your mother is.

When I was in grad school, I had a roommate who was from India. As I was embarking on my journey into dating, we would drink tea and discuss our relationship situations. She would tell me about her families concept of arranged marriages, and I would tell her of my crazy current boyfriend...my heart longing somewhat for the safety and love that surrounded her future.

Choosing a spouse is (or at least should be) the second greatest decision you make in your whole life. (The first should be your acceptance of Christ as your savior) and at 21 I was not mature enough to handle this one on my own.....but I was too embarrassed of the situation to really allow my parents in on the process.

By the time I was thirty, I decided that was EXACTLY what I needed, and not only did I want my parents in on the process, I wanted my closest friends and mentor in on the process as well. I did not trust myself to not create an idol out of a man, and I knew that people who probably loved me, more than I loved myself, are going to be looking out for me.

I told my future husband that I would not consider him a "boyfriend" and would not be committed to him, until my parents met him. I wasn't too concerned about my parents giving him permission to date me, I just wanted them to be active in my dating life.

The hubs agreed, and went one step further. He said he wanted to confess to my parents his sins, and he wanted to make sure my Dad was okay that we were dating....AND he wanted me to meet his parents.

I was a grown woman, not living at home, but every other Sunday afternoon the hubs would have dinner with me at my parents house.

A couple months later, our parents met each other.

My parents got to know the hubs, and I knew when my father walked me down the aisle that he was completely confident, that the man standing at the altar was going to care for my heart.

Honor your parents in your dating relationship. You belong to three men in your life, God, your daddy, and your husband. If you are not including God and your Dad (and/or your mom) in your relationship with your dating partner, you need to stop what your doing.

Some parents do not feel comfortable "getting involved" with your life, especially your dating life. They might actually need the verbal permission and invitation from you.

Things I learned about Dating...while dating God. #1

While I was on "sabbatical" from dating, I intentionally took the time out I would have been spending on dates, to spend time with the Lord.

A while back ago a read a book by Rabbi Shmuley called "Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments"  I think everyone should read it. It's not just about dating, it's about relationships. Relationships with significant others, relationships with spouses, friends, and with God.

Over the next few days I am going to touch on a few pieces of dating advice I learned while spending time alone with God.

#1 Follow the First Commandment.

The Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’  Mark 12:30

and the first four Commandments clarify this: 

1.You shall have no other God's before me

2. You shall not make idols

3. You shall not take the Lords name in Vein.

4. Remember the Sabath day and keep it holy

Above all, keep God the center of everything you do. Pray when you meet someone. Pray before you go on a first date, pray before you go on every date after that, and pray when your date is over. Continuously check in with God. Allow Him to have a say in your dating life. If the person you are dating is not in similar place as you are with God, you need to be very cautious about moving deeper into a relationship. If God is not the center of their life, they will not appreciate the fact that God is the center of yours. 

Our culture insists that our dating partners are to take over our world. Our thoughts, and our plans. If you are the middle of this situation, if your time with God is being pushed to the side because of another person, if you are seeking out someone else's comfort and leaving out God, you have created an idol of another person.

This will ALWAYS lead to heart ache. An imperfect person can not fill the spot in your heart that God was meant to fill. 

God WANTS to be your match maker. The most romantic stories in the bible were orchestrated by God; Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebecca, Ruth and Boaz...

When God Showed Up at My Wedding: Series Intro

One of my best friends, Olga called to shoot the breeze. She has barely spoken to me since my wedding, and as much as I used to think that it wasn't appropriate to call anyone after a wedding or a baby for AT LEAST 3 months, I am here to tell you that that is not a necessary gesture. But anyways....

We were talking about my wedding...and I have been far enough removed from it now that I feel like I can begin to write about it. 

I am going to start a series called: "Inviting God to Your Wedding" I will actually start in the dating phase and move on through Engagement, Wedding Planning, the Wedding and the Honeymoon. I will be asking The Hubs to chime in every once in awhile, because, while I was very stubborn, so was he, and he helped out A LOT in the planning and doing process, and had a good amount of say in what was going on.

What I really want to talk about today is a bit of my conversation with Olga. She was telling me that her husband had said that our wedding was the most fun he'd ever had at a wedding. Olga proceeded to tell me that it was so laid back, and it didn't feel forced, and people weren't stressed out...and as she's talking to me....I'm thinking, remembering the weekend, all of the things Olga and the other girls did for me, not asked, but dove in, in the middle of an unforeseen unfortunate/fortunate chain of events. 

You see, the afternoon, evening before my wedding was HORRIBLE. So horrible in fact, that I was over an hour late to our rehearsal dinner, at least thirty minutes of that time spent in the arms of The Hubs bawling my eyes out (the first time he'd ever seen me cry.) 

For ten months I had prayed for God to be a part of our wedding somehow, I had no idea how, but somehow, I wanted Him to show up and love on us, to show us that, He knew He was invited, and he was present. 

And God DID show up! The morning of our wedding, my friend Victoria knocked on the condo door and I fell into her arms with tears in my eyes, and asked her to pray with me, to thank God for how He was showing me love all morning long, as I'm writing this, tears are welling up in my eyes as I contemplate his presence the entire day. 

Most of the time, the unfortunate happens, so that God's glory and love have enough room to be lavishly displayed. In the midst of cakes collapsing, moms snapping, fiance's MIA, wedding coordinators on vacation, or sick etc. etc. etc.....God displayed his AMAZING love, and I want to invite you into my story and extend the invitation to you.

I'll go over practical things like budgeting, and coordinating, as well as spiritual encouragement and blessings through the story of our wedding. :) 

While you're waiting for the first installment, I'll give you a sneak peak!

Photos are taken by Jana Todd at Excellence in Photography

What True Love Is

I think it's appropriate to start my blog in February, a time of acknowledgement and celebration of Love. 

by Stephen Ramkissoon

I've been thinking about love a lot lately. As a a newlywed sometimes love can seem so easy, and at other times, it really takes the Holy Spirit to take over my heart to love  The Hubs well.

A while back ago I happened on this blog post,  and I just thought it was SO spot on! It's stuck with me and completely changed my view on marriage, and on how to love well.

Love isn't FOR you. Jesus did not die for us to benefit himself, he died for US. When we are in a relationship for ourselves, we will never find fulfillment in it. When you are intimately involved with a significant other, and your goal is to find pleasure for yourself, you will never reach a point of true intimacy.

It's the times that YOU reach out and give. It's the times that YOU make the phone calls. That YOU do the dirty dishes, that YOU spend the time constructing presents and making dinners and giving up your time and money and thoughts for someone else.

This is the hardest for me when I feel like the Hubs is expecting more of me than he expects of himself. While I'm waiting for him to get home I stomp around the house, completing the extra work I feel like he has unfairly created for me, muttering to myself. Inevitably I will stop in the middle of it all, and if I'm really REALLY mad, I will treat him the same way I feel like he treats me when he wants me to do something, and leave a big pile right in front of his path for when he gets home.

How UNLOVING is THAT?! The silly thing is that when the Hubs does it to me, he's usually not mad at me, and has no intention of creating extra work for me, and I know for a fact that he cleans up after me when I am rushing around in the morning trying to get myself together to go to work, and after I've made a complete mess out of the kitchen preparing dinner. Most of the time, he's actually trying to make my life easier. When God whispers that to me, I stop being all grumpy, complete the task and hand, and give The Hubs a giant kiss when he comes home.

Sometimes when I tell The Hubs I love him, he says, "I know," and I ask him "How do you know?" and he replies, "Because you show me!"

Now, I'm certainly no expert, but in just four months of marriage, I have definitely learned a few things, and most of them are echoed in Gods word. One of them is that this isn't about me, if it was, marriage wouldn't be FOR me. I would have been able to serve myself so much easier without someone else "butting in." But we are here to help each other. I am here to help him, to help make his plans and desires, and dreams come true. To create a space that feels like home for both him and his son. To walk beside him, and to support him when he needs it.

16By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 17But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? 18Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.  1John 3:16-18

What does it look like to lay down your life for someone? To lay down your time and your money, and your desires and priorities for someone else's sake? What are you going to do this Valentines Day, not in words, or in speech, but by doing and truth?

What does it look like to love someone the way God loves them? To "Agape" them? A love of the will, sacrificially, unconditionally, selfless. What does it look like to show someone love even when you aren't feeling it? That's how Christ called us to love not only our husbands, and our children, but our neighbors and our enemies. 

This Valentines Day, forget about the chocolate, and the roses, and the cards you are expecting. What Random Acts of Kindness can you commit that will serve your family, your friends, your coworkers and even strangers? Will you allow God to Love others through you this Valentines Day? 

14 Ways to Share God's Love this Valentines Day

 THE OFFICIAL FIRST POST FOR WHATEVER IS LOVELY!

My sister-in-law and I swapped Valentines Day stories the other day. We were each talking about how stressed our husbands get over presents and the pressure to be romantic. 

As I left my apartment today, on the dry erase board by our door was a little drawing. It said "I <3 you!" With a little arrow going through the heart. 

"I love you too!" I thought with a smile and a skip in my step as I floated my way down the stairs. *sigh*

The hubs is most romantic when he doesn't feel the pressure. 

While I sit planning, and scheming for The Kiddo, and The Hubs, about how I am going to make this "THE BEST VALENTINES DAY EVER!!!!!" The hubs makes my day by drawing me a picture. :)

Last year, I got a giant poster board with foam hearts pasted all over it and "I Love You" written in marker in all different languages. He got over 8,000 calories worth of candy that he ended up giving to his co-workers in the ER. 

While we work so hard to be romantic, and to take out time for our significant others, I think it's the little things throughout the days that really mean something. 

I think that's how God romances us too. In the still, quiet spaces of our lives, he envelopes us with His love in the a glimpse of the sunset, a single flower blooming in a field of nothingness that caught your eye, a cup of hot cocoa sprinkled with cinnamon and rimmed with marshmallows, a desperately needed encouraging note from a friend, little bodies snuggling up against you for an, 'almost not quite there, I just need to be sure of you' moment while reading a book or watching a movie, or a stolen kiss on the shoulder from your husband as he buries his head into your neck, with a muffled "I love you." 

God loves us through these gifts, through the people he has put in our lives, and he loves others through us as well. 

This Valentines Day, forget about the hype, and think about the True Love that flows down on us and through us. Let the love of God flow out of you and spill over onto the people God places in your life every day. 

And so... without further ado... 

And to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one's neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.” (Mark 12:33 ESV)

Neighbor is an interesting concept.

“And who is my neighbor?” 

Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.” (Luke 10:29-37 ESV)

Do you even know your neighbors?

Our literal neighbors are probably none to happy with us right now due to The Christmas Tree Incident, and The Early Morning Screaming Kid Fiasco.

1. What would you like this Valentines Day? A Card? Some Chocolates? A flower?  

How can you bless your neighbor with these same gifts this Valentines Day? 

Hatred stirs up strife,

but love covers all offenses. (Proverbs 10:12 ESV)

2.  Is there someone in your life you need to forgive? Is there someone you have held a grudge against, or have not been very kind to. It seems to work, that even though you DO NOT feel very loving, when you commit acts of love, God seems to soften your heart. What can you do this Valentines Day, after you ask God to change your heart, to drop your guard, and do something kind for someone you hold negative feelings against?

3. While your at it, encourage your kidinkles to do the same. You know, when you were a kid addressing Valentines to all the kids in the class, didn't you pick the BEST valentines for your BESTEST friends and leave the ugly ones for the kids you didn't like so much? Wow. How young our hearts turn to sin. :( 

Chances are your kids are thinking the same thing when they are making their cards. Talk to you kids about what the bible says about hate, and loving your enemy, and help them make decisions with their cards that are loving to those that are sometimes hard to love.

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

(1 John 3:16-18 ESV)

Oh wow! THE HARDEST!

As I learn about church history I am amazed that the first century church basically made government programs obsolete because they were doing such a great job of helping those in need! They would go out to the fields and save children left out to die, they would feed the poor, and heal the sick! I'm listing a few ideas here that you can take on yourself leading up to Valentines Day.

4. Donate Blessings Bags to the Homeless

I LOVE FREE PRINTABLES!!!! Check out Mique's printables for this project. She also has a lot of links to ideas to complete this project. Basically, you make up kits with food and necessities for the homeless who stand on the street corners.

5. Donate Night Night Bags to Children in Shelters and Foster Care. 

Here's the idea.

but you don't even have to go through the program, you can construct them yourself and drop them off and shelters and Agencies.

6. Join Knots of Love and Make Chemo Caps for the Kiddo's or Blankets for Babies in the NICU, drop them off at your nearest Children's Hospital.

7. Join or start initiatives with your church to serve others in need.

Let the Children Come to Me

13Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, 14but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”  Mathew 19:13-14

8. Love on your kidinkles and let them know how much Jesus Loves them. Get out your Jesus Storybook Bible, and read through your favorite bible stories with your kids. (If you don't have one, get one. It's great for adults too! I have it on my nook, the narrator is GREAT! The Kid will listen to the stories in the car when we can't read to him.)

9. I LOOOOVE Kim at Not Consumed. I just LOVE her blog. She's got this great idea for a little valentines Gift Basket for  Kidinkles I'll be doing for The Kid. She has a whole roundup of Scripture based valentines as well. Check it out

I also read a lovely blog recently that has some great ideas written by Kendra 5 Easy Ways to Show Kids Love on Valentines Day

Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: (1 John 2:4-5 ESV)

10. Write God's word in your home. I try to have scripture in every room of the house. We have a picture frame beside the television that we decided to switch out scripture printables every month to help The Kid memorize scripture, and to keep it up. There are plenty of printables and ideas you can find on pinterest. I LOVE this from Amy at Positively Splendid. And we are using this printable beside our television. I really like Missie's Printables at LostBumbleBee.

Let's talk about the Hubs. No pressure here, but Valentines Day isn't just about you. It's about him too, and he doesn't have to make it a win this Valentines Day for you to show him how much you love him!

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

For your love is better than wine; (Song of Solomon 1:2 ESV)

11. Oh Solomon, you risque man you! (Seriously, when you start to realize what he's talking about it is almost downright embarrassing) We are called to SUBMIT to our our husbands, and THEY are called to LOVE us!  WOW! I find that it is much easier to submit to someone when you love them...but that topic is for another day. Use Valentines Day to love on your husband in your cute girly ways. Leaving him notes in his lunch box, writing messages to him on the mirror, sending him emails and texts throughout the day....

12. and let him know your ready for his kisses in the evening...;) Text him hints throughout the day, and check out the Dating Diva's for great creative ideas for celebrating Valentines Night with your Hubs.

Delight yourself in the LORD,

and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4 ESV)

13. Your greatest Valentine is the Love of God. Spend the month of February reading everything that John wrote in the bible. He LOVES to tell you how much God LOVES you. 

14.  Take a bubble bath light some candles, put on some worship music (I perfer to listen to Plumb, Lauren Daigle and Chris Rice) and get naked. I love doing this periodically. There is something about being completely bare, and comfortable in front of God and just spending time worshiping and speaking, and listening. Take time out this Valentines Day to spend time with the one who loves you the most. Let him love on you, and show you how romantic He can be.

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. (Zephaniah 3:17 ESV)